How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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