I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
