doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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