She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
