well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
please don't ironically join a cult
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