you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she peed on how many people?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
