His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
