cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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