My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
