I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
