Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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