she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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