I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
