It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
