i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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