we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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