Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
