I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
