it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
