I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
