if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The Wolf of Wall Street āI aināt fuckinā leaving!ā speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
