the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize