Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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