his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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