Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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