Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
