You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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