Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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