I need help removing her.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
