was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this just has baby written all over it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
