I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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