I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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