HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
