Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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