i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
