we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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