Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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