My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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