Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
