We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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