A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
