me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
