i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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