don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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