I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
