just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
