oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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