do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
