Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i came on her dog
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
