just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The feeling are messing with the penis
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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