If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I did not marry a roomba.
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