Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sry I called you an 8
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize