Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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