ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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