I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
