His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
