piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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