You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
