Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
