She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
