this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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