Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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