i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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