and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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