i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
