I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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