none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
